Courage Means Coming Back | How returning when it's hard builds lasting trust
Have you ever watched someone you care about go through a crisis? At first, everyone rallies. The texts pour in, meals show up, people offer to help with "literally anything you need." But somewhere around week three or four, life goes back to normal for everyone except the person still picking up the pieces. The calls stop coming. The offers dry up. And here's the thing nobody talks about: the real work of rebuilding begins just as the support disappears.
Doug Boxer, attorney and justice advocate, and Chris Holden, former California Assembly member and CEO of LA Fire Justice, joined me recently on the Shaping Freedom podcast to pull back the curtain on what advocacy looks like six months after the Eaton fires devastated Altadena. Their work goes far beyond legal settlements—they're fighting for dignity, community, and the kind of justice that actually heals.
Our conversation wasn't about disaster response. It was about the unglamorous, essential work of standing with people when the initial flood of support dries up and the real rebuilding begins.
Here are three insights from my conversation with Doug and Chris that opened my eyes—and why they matter whether you're supporting a friend through crisis or working through your own tough times:
1. True support honors dignity, not just need.
"Justice as I would view it is that the people who have been wronged are treated with dignity and respect," Chris shared. And honestly? This hit me because how often do we rush to "help" someone without considering how our help actually lands?
Think about the last time someone you cared about was struggling. Did you listen first, or did you immediately jump into solution mode? Because there's a difference between helping and helping well. Doug and Chris learned that for Altadena families—many of whom had fought systemic barriers just to own their homes—this wasn't just about replacing what was lost. It was about honoring the journey it took to build those lives in the first place.
"These are folks who have lived lives where dignity was always being taken away," Chris explained. Real support means seeing people's full story, not just their current crisis. Whether you're helping a colleague through a difficult project or walking alongside a friend through divorce, here's what I know for sure: the how matters as much as the what.
2. Healing isn't a solo sport—it happens in relationship.
"Healing is really difficult," Doug admitted. "When I finish and I've settled the case, my job on those four corners of the page are done. But the client's job is not done. They have to deal with this for a long time."
Can we talk about this for a minute? Because this wisdom extends far beyond disaster recovery.
When someone in your life is grieving, going through a health crisis, or rebuilding after any kind of loss, the real work happens after the flowers stop arriving and the casseroles run out. You know what I'm talking about.
That's why LA Fire Justice created Mental Health Mondays and community block parties—not because they had to, but because they understood that isolation kills hope. "We really bring a holistic approach," Doug said. Listen, whether you're supporting someone through job loss, illness, or any major life transition, here's the question that matters: How can I show up for the long conversation, not just the emergency moment?
3. Do the work before making the promise.
While other law firms flooded social media with ads within days of the fire, LA Fire Justice took 30 days to investigate what actually happened. "You can't get it wrong. You got to get it right," Doug said. "You can't go tell a group of people, hey, go sue the utility and then find out six weeks later that you were wrong."
Listen, this principle applies to every relationship and commitment in your life. How often do we promise to help before we understand what's really needed? Or commit to supporting someone's goal before we know if we can actually follow through? I'm guilty of this too.
Real integrity means doing your homework first. It means signing the metaphorical five-year lease—committing for the duration, not just the dramatic moments. "We're not going anywhere," Chris said simply. And here's what I want you to consider: In your own relationships, what would change if you approached support with that same level of intentionality?
The truth? Whether you're advocating for others or rebuilding your own life after a setback, the principles remain the same: honor dignity, show up for the long game, and do the hard work before making promises you can't keep. Because real courage means coming back consistently – until the healing holds for good.
TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read)
Honor dignity in how you help. True support isn't just about meeting someone's immediate needs—it's about seeing their full story and treating them with respect throughout the process. Ask yourself: Am I listening first, or jumping straight into solution mode?
Show up for the long conversation. Healing and rebuilding happen after the crisis passes and the initial support fades. The most meaningful support comes in month six, not week one. How can you be present for the marathon, not just the emergency?
Do your homework before making promises. Real integrity means understanding what's needed before committing to help. Don't offer support you can't sustain or make promises you haven't thought through. Your word is your bond—treat it that way.
Learn More
Read more about Doug Boxer
Read more about Chris Holden