The Daily Practice of Being Brave | How small acts of courage compound into confidence
Picture this: You're at an awards ceremony, and across the room sits the person you know could change your life. You start walking toward them, heart racing, palms sweating. But then that voice in your head gets louder: "Girl, sit down. Who do you think you are?"
This is exactly what happened to KJ Rose, Grammy Award-winning performance director and founder of the Rose Effect, when she tried approaching Oprah at the Spirit Awards. What she did next changed everything—not just for her, but for the thousands of artists, executives, and everyday people she now helps step into their power.
I recently sat down with KJ for the Shaping Freedom podcast to talk about confidence, presence, and what it really means to show up authentically. Her story isn't about being born fearless—it's about building courage one deposit at a time, even when your body has "adverse reactions" to being seen.
Here are three insights from our conversation that landed like a lightning bolt—and why they matter for anyone tired of waiting for permission to take up space:
1. Confidence isn't transferable—it's situational, and that's actually good news.
KJ dropped this truth bomb that completely reframed how I think about confidence: she explained that confidence isn't transferable between different areas of your life. If you're being elevated and pushed further, you have to make a new deposit.
Think about it. You might be incredibly confident presenting quarterly reports to your team, but put you on a karaoke stage and suddenly you're that nervous kid again. KJ calls this making "new deposits"—and instead of seeing it as a flaw, she sees it as proof that you're growing.
She explained that maybe the confidence you currently hold is great for where you are right now, but you need something else for where you're going.
This hit me because so many of us beat ourselves up for feeling nervous in new situations, thinking we should just "be confident" across the board. But confidence isn't a character trait you either have or don't—it's a skill you build specifically for each new challenge you face.
2. Your internal narrative is running the show, whether you realize it or not.
When KJ finally did approach Oprah (yes, she tried again!), she had to drown out the voice saying "sit down" with something stronger. That's when she created what she calls "power chants"—30-second musical affirmations that became the foundation of her Confidence Khan movement.
As she walked toward Oprah's table, competing voices battled in her head: "you got this, keep walking" versus "girl, sit down." When the negative voice got louder, she created her power chant in real time: "You are the. Yes. You've been waiting for Bo. Bo, don't you ever forget what you came here for. A bow, bow, bow. And no matter what, you just make it count. Take up space with your gift."
Here's what struck me: KJ didn't wait until she felt confident to take action. She created the confidence she needed in real time. She gave herself permission when no one else would.
How many of us are sitting in our own version of that awards ceremony, waiting for someone else to validate what we already know we're supposed to do? As KJ pointed out, by the time you see someone's external expression—whether it's on stage, in a boardroom, or just living their life—you're watching a reflection of their internal narrative. What story are you telling yourself?
3. Sometimes you stay in places longer than God intended.
This phrase from KJ made me pause the interview and ask her to repeat it slowly. "I think sometimes you can stay in spaces longer than God intended. And then it's diminishing return."
She was talking about her time as a background singer for Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, and other major artists—a dream gig that was supposed to be a stepping stone, not a destination. But comfort has a way of making us forget our original goals.
She explained that she wanted to make sure that she didn't land anywhere by default, that she made the choice.
This applies to so much more than career moves. How many relationships, habits, or situations are we staying in past their expiration date because leaving feels scarier than staying? KJ's point is that when you don't make conscious choices about your life, you end up living by default—and that's the opposite of freedom.
The thread running through KJ's story is this: confidence isn't about feeling ready. It's about choosing the best parts of yourself and acknowledging them every single day, even when—especially when—you're scared.
As she put it, confidence is a calling to choose the best parts of yourself and acknowledge them, embrace them, every single day.
Whether you're trying to approach your own version of Oprah, step into a leadership role, or simply show up more authentically in your daily life, KJ's message is clear: stop waiting for permission. The confidence you're waiting to feel? It's built one brave decision at a time, in the moments when fear is loudest and you choose to move anyway.
TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read)
Confidence is situational, not a fixed trait. You need to make "new deposits" of confidence for each new challenge, and that's normal growth, not a personal failing.
Your internal narrative determines your external reality. Create power chants or affirmations to override the voice that tells you to "sit down" when you know you should step up.
Don't stay in spaces longer than intended. Whether it's a job, relationship, or comfort zone, make conscious choices about your life instead of landing somewhere by default.
Learn More
Read "The Rose Effect": Get the eight steps to delivering the performance of your life, available wherever books are sold.
Follow KJ Rose: Connect with her ongoing work helping artists, executives, and entrepreneurs step into their power and tell stories that can't be hijacked.