The Identity You Outgrow | What happens when the role that defined you disappears

Malcolm Regisford grew up an athlete playing baseball, basketball, and football. But basketball was the one he kept coming back to. Over time, the game stopped being something Malcolm did and became who he was. The plan was clear: Division I first, then the pros. It would take years of work, but he was clear about the direction. Before long, the plan and his identity were the same. Malcolm didn’t just play basketball. He was a ballplayer.

Then came the injury. The surgery. The slow dissolution of his role, his status on the roster, his relationship with his coaches. All of it happening at once, with no clear way through. The map was gone. And without it, Malcolm had to figure out who he actually was.

He turned adversity into opportunity and wrote Tapped in Wellness: An Introduction into Performance, Health and Mindful Living through Plant-Based Eating. He also became a creator with close to a million followers across Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. None of it was in the original plan.

When Malcolm sat down with me for the Shaping Freedom podcast, we got into something that doesn't come up enough: what it actually takes to rebuild yourself after the version you built your life around stops working. Three things came through that are worth paying attention to:

1. The detour teaches what the plan never could

When the injury hit, Malcolm didn't just lose a season. He lost the only version of himself he'd ever known. The basketball player. The one with a plan. Looking back, he doesn't dress it up.

"My role was dissolving in front of my eyes. My relationship with the coaches was dissolving. My physical health was dissolving. All at once."

The hardest part wasn't the injury. It was seeing himself outside of basketball for the first time. That was the thing he'd never had to do. And it turned out to be the most important thing he ever did.

Most people don't question the identity they've built until something forces them to. The job. The relationship. The role. The plan. We carry these things like they're permanent. They're not. And when one of them falls away, it feels like a crisis. What it actually is, and this takes time to see, is a clearing.

The version of you that was held together by that one thing was always going to need to expand. The question is whether you're willing to let it.

2. Presence is the practice nobody assigns you

When the external markers disappeared, Malcolm had to start somewhere new. Not with food, or fitness, or a new five-year plan. With the question of how he was actually feeling. Day to day. Moment to moment. That was the whole practice.

He had to start asking himself how he was actually feeling. Not performing. Not pushing through. Just honestly checking in and taking ownership of what he found there.

Most of us never stop to think about what we're actually taking in. Food, content, people, environments. Without ever pausing to check what any of it is doing to us. We scroll when we're disarmed. Right before sleep. First thing in the morning. In that relaxed, receptive state, the content goes deeper.

He explains it this way: "You're disarmed in a way. So it can seep more into the subconscious, seep more into your energetic body."

Malcolm changed what he followed before he changed what he ate. The question he asked himself: how do I want to feel when I get on my phone? It was a simple fix that reordered everything.

You are your own algorithm. What you let in shapes what you think, how you feel, and what you reach for next.

3. The path forms under your feet, but you have to be walking

When I asked Malcolm how he made peace with the reroute, he said it plainly: "If things were meant to be different, they would be."

None of it was visible from where he started.

For anyone in that disorienting in-between, the place where the old identity is gone and the new one hasn't formed yet, his advice is simple: take it one step at a time and stay open to what it's trying to show you. The path is still being built. You just can't see it yet.

TL;DR

• The identity you've outgrown was always going to need more room. Holding on to it doesn't change that. It just delays what's next.

• Presence is a daily decision about what you let in. Through your feed, your environment, your habits. You're either curating that or absorbing it by default.

• The life you didn't plan for is still being built. You don't have to see the whole path. You just have to keep walking.

Learn More

• Pick up Tapped in Wellness: An Introduction into Performance, Health and Mindful Living through Plant-Based Eating. Part lifestyle guide, part cookbook, all plain talk. It's the book he wishes he'd had when everything fell apart. Start there.

• Follow Malcolm on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at @tappedinwellness. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time on his page. That shift is the whole point.

• Listen to the full Shaping Freedom episode with Malcolm. Hear what it sounds like when someone has actually done the work and what becomes possible on the other side.